iwannaflyfree

Friday, November 30, 2007

MARSHA.HERS posted at 11:06 PM | 0 Noticed Me

Is it hard to be sincere?? is it hard to just tell me the truth if he said he still really love me n never think that we had ever break up.. is it damn bloody hard?! argh.. im so frustrated.. I feel like my heart being stabbed several times with a knife sey wen everytime wen i ask him, he will lied.. i knew he lies.. i just can feel it.. n tis time my feel become stronger n actually its proven true wen other ppl told me.. the most thing tat dissapoint me is tat, i knew it from other people's mouth but NOT FROM HIM.. If he really still treated me as his GIRLFRIEND, as wat he said, y he didnt tell me anything bout wat had happened? why?!?!?! i feel so useless and ashame wen other ppl ask me about him n all i can say is '' huh?? really?? i dunnoe.." argh!! Fish! i feel soo stupid, unappreciated n being fooled.

argh all tis while,wat i feel is true...what shud i do? im totally blank.. am i supposed to just pretend that as if i noe nuts about it.. i even hint him but he still trying his best to cover it.. everytime i ask, all he will answer me are MOST of them are lies.. the "BEST" part is i noe tat every single answer from him is a lie but i cant say anything.. i can say NOTHING!! argh..this monday.. yar this monday i really hope the truth will come out.. but am i really ready for it?? am i really strong to face it wen i get to know the truth INFRONT OF MY EYES??? god.. pls gimme strength.. wonder when tis will end..

Aniwae thanks ELYANA.. Thanks fer the bear.. heart u sis....

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

MARSHA.HERS posted at 5:40 PM | 0 Noticed Me

I miss him.. haish.. everytime my home phone rang i was expecting it was from him.. but hais..

gosh.. its really hard den wat i thought n expected.. i still love him soo much.. my love havent fade even an inch.. There's no words can defined my love fer him.. but did he feel da same way? did he miss me wen im gone? will he still love me as much as i love him wen im gone?? so many question playing in my mind.. n im really doubt so he did.. I just cant imagined every single day of mine without him.. i miss him so much till i dun care if he screamed or even throw vulgarities on me.. by oni hearing his voice, i forget all my anger towards him.. haish.. why must it end tis way..nah.. Marsha shudnt have tis kinda feeling nimore rite.. Marsha have to let him go.. YOU have to let him go.. argh.. MARSHA HAVE TO BE STRONG... he love his frens more den he loves u.. he didnt need u nimore.. MARSHA HAS TO JUST ACCEPT THAT FACT!!

jaded,

MaRsHa..

Saturday, November 24, 2007

MARSHA.HERS posted at 10:21 PM | 0 Noticed Me

Haha. I woke up damn late today. guess wat time?? haha 4PM larsey!! haha BUSUK MARSHA... haha. At least yesterday a good day fer me.. eventhough there's lil shit here n there but overall of it is REALLY ROCK babeh!! yuhoooo.. Enjoying life to da fullest... its time for wakey wakey from shittos moment marsha... (= wohooo...

Thanks to mummy.. love my mom to da infinity lar sey.. She's soooooooo da BOHOT gerek yesterday.. We went fer SHOPPING yesterday.. woho.. SHOPPING WITH MAMA!! cool..n yar.. she bought fer me loadsa things sey.. n tiz is some of it.. yuhooo... soooooo da happy.. BOHOT BOHOT HAPPY!! (= (=

heart mommy loads loads fer tiz.. haha leh gitu eh...

n yar.. yesterday fuhyo.... we go shananana...blablablablablablabla... yeah2... sean paul... nanana.. STOP IT EH MARSHA..hehe. I LUUUUUUUURRRRVEE them a loads..!!REALLY!!

-MOMMY N AYAH
-THREESOME
-KAK AYU
-ANA
-ZOUL
-NAFIZ
They really rock my world lar sey.. hehe. Thanks lovey dovey BAGALAPZZZ... huggies.huggies.kisses.kisses. (=

Wanna share some mepeks photos..

tis is nafiz's jacket n shoe!! so damn big.If u look in real life, i really look like a "GORGEOUS" CLOWN lar sey.. BURUUUUK!! wakaka. ni kerja nafiz lar.. haha

n tis is taken by tat giler Zoul.. haha.. Its Yuhtee, nafiz n da very far one is ME.haha.

ABANDONED CHILD. haha.

bubbly,me

Thursday, November 22, 2007

MARSHA.HERS posted at 1:48 AM | 0 Noticed Me

Today is another crummy day fer me. Someone that i ever look high on had humiliated me. I broke down like hell. Sob like one stupid idiotic girl inside the train otw meeting yuhtee. Zoul called me, yeah he n yuhtee were shocked i cried that badly in public. haha. "FUNNY" rite.. shittos. argh..nahmind.. i'll be fine.. yeah..i'll be fine.. Let that someone hurt me to da fullest, if that's da oni way for tat someone to take a revenge of me. It will always has a karma rite. So yar.. Hope he's happy n enjoying hurting n humiliating me..
n yar.. i cant believed that i had a hypocrite fren. haha. REALLY awesome!! COOL rite.. I think no one can be trusted nimore now right. shrugged lar.

Thanks to them, my beloved tutun gurls.. haha They cheered me up.. heart them sgt2 many2 n loads2 sey.. Here's the pics of us after the so called "feel the pain and cry together moment" ends. "HAHA". FISH!..

THREESOME

KaKaK aYu..

MaRsHa..

YuhTee..

SallY..

THE CRAZINESS OF US....

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

MARSHA.HERS posted at 8:20 PM | 0 Noticed Me

"i never thought u would be sum1 like this..... Looks SURE can be decieving....."

Wat does MELT meant sia.. im so pissed! I dun understand why he like keep talking behind me.. I really REALLY dun understand why MELT cant tell me straight forward instead of putting it on his MSN’s nick! Argh. WTH. We argued bcos of his words oso n now he added da salt somemore. ((Looks SURE can be decieving.....))deceiving?????? Means wat? I cheat him? Im being dishonest? WAT SIA! I didn’t lied to him n yesterday I even clarified everything CLEARLY. IF im being DISHONEST, I will like just take advantage of him from the day that I knew tat he likes me. BUT I DIDN’T OKAY! N wat? He even has a gut to say tat as if im cheap n can even say tat im deceiving him. ARGH!! Tell me, whose the fish will never get angry n pissed off sia if other ppl said to them such thing especially wen ure a GIRL.?? Argh .

Gosh..I really need someone to cry on. I miss him. I miss him. I really need him right now. God plz help me.. I just cant stand all this.. wen will I get my own happiness.. Even though I pretend that I've moved on..he will always in my mind..I never found the words to say..his the one I think about each day n I know no matter where life takes me to, apart of me will always has him.. Its hurting.. Its damn freaking hurting..Its easy fur ppl to say but they will oni noe how hard it really is when they’re in my shoes lar sey.. haish.. I noe there's no use looking back or wondering.. coz he didn’t find for me.. which means he have no heart for me nimore rite.. tats wat my close fren told me.. so yar.. im really trying my best to stay strong and accept the fact.. but still I can't find ways to let him go.. SIGH.

Forlorn,

Marsha..

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

MARSHA.HERS posted at 9:00 PM | 0 Noticed Me

Shits…I have already made one step ahead.. shittos! I feel like im dreaming rite now.. I cant believed tat fatheen nabeelah really did this.. fish! I really cant imagine how it would be without him..4 freaking years.. just throw in da bin just like tat.. fcuk! Yar.. to some of them 4 years is just a number but to me its seriously killing.. I swear im trying my best to act as if everything its fine but actually its NOT, NOT AT ALL… keep myself occupied trying to always hangout with frens n threesome but fish I just cant get over it.. I really feel that my heart is already half dead.. I felt that Im just a statue that alive with no feelings.. Let other people do whatever they wants to me I just fuck care bout myself.. I know wat im doing now is definitely wrong but I still let things go on n on.. I dunnoe why maybe coz im lost!! Yar.. REALLY lost!! Im hurt to da fullest till I dun even bothered how other people care n love me.. Its just not me!! Everyday and every night I just imagine tat I cud hold him tight n make sure tat everythings stays right but now I have no right.. lies lies lies lies lies… hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt.. is wat I get.. I keep smilling n keep myself silence just trying my level best to cover up the sadness in me.. but till when.. till wen?!?! I feel so depressed right now!!! N yar.. AGAIN I hurt other people feelings.. MARSHA SO CRUEL!! Fuck. Im sori.. im really sori.. yar!! If ure reading this blog, Im really sori.. I really really didn’t meant it.. n I really hope u cud understand me n forgive me.. im sori.. im really sori.. sori..sori.. sori… sori.. yar.. im referring to YOU..

Saturday, November 3, 2007

MARSHA.HERS posted at 2:47 PM | 0 Noticed Me

IM MOVING ON... PUHLEASE DONT COME BACK TO ME..

Guys,do u realize that the girl who is holding onto u now is PERFECT in her own special way?The way she laughs..The way she sleeps..The way she sulks..The way she smiles..The way she cries..The way she thinks of you..The way she tries to please you...The way she sacrifices for you..The way she wants to understand you..The way she's lovin you with all her heart!Always remember that.She can always get up and walk away,getting someone else who can loves her more.There might be someone out there..who is willing to love her more than you are loving her now,fulfill her every needs and loves heras much as she loves you.or maybe loves her more than she loves you..but definitely lovin hermore than u do!For all you know,there's already might be someone out there wooing her,be it from a distance or as a gentleman..but she is rejecting,coz she believes in perfect love..for whom she will share her joys n tears together..for whom she will promise to be faithful..for whom she will commit herself into you..To her,you're her perfect love!Understand that.Guys,you might be thinking that the love is fading..you can't find the freshness between the two of you..everything is stale to you now..everywhere seems the same to you..you said "been there done that".so u went n look for another...imagine this..Behind her back,you're hugging and kissing another girl..When you see her today,u do the same..but you still see love in her eyes..while others are just some flings.Do you feel the hurt?Can you feel the guilt?for you must know..every new thing brings an excitement to us..only to find the boredoom n sick of itafter we're being so used together..She might not be feeling the hurts now,coz she won't know..She might be feeling something's not right,coz she can sense..but she's still holding on to you,not becoz she's stupid,not becoz she's dumb,not becoz she's a fool..but bcoz..she believes u will not break her full-hearted heart..she believes u will not let her tears flow..she believes u will keep your promises..she believes this is love!She loves you not because you are pleasant looking,sweet talker,or that you have 5cs..She loves youfor who you are.Your every touch,every word you say,everything you do.She was born here inperfect..everyone does!Only what she wants from u is almost perfect!and she knows she can't do it alone...it needs two hands to clap...Guys,For her,being the upmost girlfriend is to endure your every moves,your every moodswings,your every words..and actions.Even dealing with the most unbearable painshe will bear it for your sake..but once she knows that the time is up,she will leave you..with the most unforgettable painful memoriesu both had,from the sweetest to the very last moment she had to leave,bcoz of ur doings..Guys,Cherish and appreciate your girl.Don't break her fragile heart.She is the only one who can loves you this way.You won't wanna regret letting go of that special girl you have.For everything she has done for you,the least you can do is to give her unconditional loveas she has given to you..coz u should know,her love and sacrifice doesn't mean forever,when she had finally realised..you don't worth her love,she will leave u for the one whowell-deserved her love..Guys,dun ever leave the one u love,for the one u like..coz one day..the one u like will leave u,for the one they love...

Friday, November 2, 2007

MARSHA.HERS posted at 3:37 PM | 0 Noticed Me

Gosh.. WTH is wrong with me.. Im soo confused.. why must get hurt over n over again??

Shittos!! I know i love Jomlang but he didnt treasure n keep hurting me. In another hand i dunnoe how i feels towards Melt but he treated me nice. At first everything like VERY FINE. Im happy although im facing a hard time wenever i saw Melt. But everything turn out to be like FISH wen Melt started to make one step further. He confessed followed by treating n react VERY DIFF from usual. I feel so damn scared which ME,MYSELF ALSO DUNNOE WHY, when a sudden change from him. Tat scares to death!! till i broke down into tears. CRAZY ME! i know.

Im soooo freaking feel damn bad for wat ive said to Melt yesterday. But seriously i dunnoe if i really mean it onnot. All i know is that i feel sad and heart pain after this changes. FISH! hate it!

He said he love me blablabla.. I wonder is tat easy for a guy to say tat he love us and just in another mins later he said he will throw all da feelings away from him. Is tat wat love is, to them?? n why am i supposed to feel so freaking diffly and sad now?? shrugged.shrugged.shrugged. However for what i know is, if i love that person i will never give up and stay strong facing every suingle hurt that the person give me. But why they didnt think the same way as me. Im refering to THOSE PERSON whom always said he loves me.

Im scared. Too scared. Cant they understand me?? haish.. gosh.. today like freaking pathetic. I think its really a sway day for me. FISH!! hurt. hurt.hurt. Melt in da same group with me n we practically DIDNT talk to each other or even see each other face! Im soo confused with wat i feel. yar.. Its my fault.. But as i said i dunnoe whether i really meant every single words i said to him yesterday.. What makes me damn freaking sad is that he make me feel myelf damn low. I even said im sori but he just ignore it. n even say, PRETEND THAT IM NOT EXIST.. wen im trying my best to make think come back as per normal..WTF siak!

Is that the way a guy settle things up?!

Seriously n sincerely i long time NEVER feel this way towards other guys. The First guy i ever feel was Jomblang and which is like FOUR DAMN FREAKING YEARS AGO... shittos!! why i feel this way again sia... I feel i was just a victim of THEM..

Im sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad.sad.sad.sad.sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.

sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. sad.sad.sad.sad. DAMN FREAKING SAD!!! jaded. argh!!

Nah2.. i shouldnt be sad rite.. Why should i wen the person themselves heck care and dun bother at all bout how i feel.. yeah!! so yar.. haish.haish.haish.

dilemma thoughts...

MARSHAYUL.